Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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