dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
