It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
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I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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