Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
