my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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