you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
