How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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