You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
