Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
