You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
