Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
whose ass print is on the piano?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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