Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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