This girl is more easily done than said...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
As shirtless as possible
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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