I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
