normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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