About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
