Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
