in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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