So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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