He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
