apparently the secret to your success is patron
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
