is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
