***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize