why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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