I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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