drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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