I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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