If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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