my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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