sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
