I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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