The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
