look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize