dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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