Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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