I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
