I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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