apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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