i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
