i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
