I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
