At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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