Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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