Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
