There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Did I show you my penis last night?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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