i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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