i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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