Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
