i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
