I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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