I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
