it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
