why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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