It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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