I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
