What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The beer is more important than you right now.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
