I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
